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Soap Opera
Brad says "What?"
Another fill for the kink meme! This is for this prompt, which asks for different pairing things to happen when Phelous, Benzaie, Welshy, and Panda do a crossover. I tried to give every couple a moment, but it turned out more angsty than funny, and focuses the most on Phelous/Benzaie, one of my favorite ships that I haven't written for in a long time, and Welshy/Panda. I still hope the original prompter sees and enjoys this. :)

The title is from the game that was only played once on WL UK. I enjoyed it and wished we could have seen it again, but oh well.

Benzaie’s usual smile was replaced with a worried frown as he and Phelous walked down the hotel hallway together.

“I’m still not sure about this,” he told the taller man as he fiddled with the key card to their room. “I don’t mind sharing a room and doing a crossover with Welshy, but now Panda’s here too, and you know how he creeps me out.”

“Don’t worry, Welshy will keep him in line,” Phelous reassured as he put a hand on Benzaie’s shoulder. “He’s already agreed to share a bed with him, so I’m sure he won’t try to pull anything that would cause you to get another restraining order.”

“Does that mean we get to share a bed?” Benzaie asked, forgetting to keep the thrill of joy from his voice. “I-I mean, because there’s only two in the room, right?”

“I suppose,” Phelous said neutrally, but with a hint of a smile that Benzaie didn’t miss. He all but skipped up to the door of their room and eagerly slipped the card into the lock.

“You’re here!” Benzaie jumped back as the door was pulled in before he could even touch the knob. Sad Panda was staring at him with starry eyes that made his skin crawl. “I’m so glad you could make it, Benzaie! I hope your trip was nice!”

“What did I tell you about personal space?” Welshy scolded as he pulled Panda away from the door. “They’ve only just gotten here and you’re violating it. Sorry about that,” he said with a smile to the duo.

“It’s fine,” Benzaie said as he and Phelous carried their bags inside. Sad Panda stared at the Canadian in surprise.

Oh, hi Phelous. When did you get here?”

“Nice to see you too, Panda,” Phelous muttered as he threw his suitcase onto a bed.

“Anyway,” Panda continued as he wiggled free of Welshy’s grasp and bounded over to Benzaie, “I just really wanted to apologize for all the creepy stalker things I did to you. I keep trying to think of some way to make it up to you, but I can only come up with things like giving you an apology blowjob or something.”

“Wh-what?” Benzaie choked out in surprise laughter.

“What the fuck are you saying?” Welshy asked, his voice angry but tinted with something else that sounded suspiciously like jealousy. “He doesn’t want that!”

“Well, maybe ask again when I’m drunk,” Benzaie said without thinking. He then realized Phelous was staring at him in disbelief and his heart skipped a beat. “I’m joking, of course,” he quickly followed up.

“We’ll see about that,” Panda said, his smile sly. Benzaie turned to Phelous, looking apologetic about his joke, but the taller man was too busy unpacking his stuff to notice.

“Let’s get the cameras set up so that we can start filming as soon as possible,” he said calmly, although there was a strained quality to his voice. Benzaie was already starting to regret taking this trip in the first place.


A few hours later, the four had gotten some footage shot but decided to stop for dinner. Panda offered to pick some food up for them while Benzaie decided to go for a walk, leaving Welshy and Phelous in the room. Phelous was lying on one of the beds, watching a movie, while Welshy bustled about the room and muttered under his breath about Panda.

“Can’t believe the nerve of him, asking to give a blowjob as an apology. I’m lucky to get a ‘Yeah, I fucked up, so what?’ from him, but Benzaie gets oral sex, where’s the justice I ask you?”

“Would you calm down?” Phelous asked, growing irritated with this blathering for several reasons. “Nothing’s going to happen, so just sit down and watch the movie, ok?”

“Fine.” Welshy plopped down beside him, arms still crossed, and stared at the screen without really taking in what was happening.

It really was a terrible film, and soon the two were filled with boredom, which combined with the fatigue of their earlier flights, lulled them into sleep. A sleep that was disrupted only by the air conditioning, which had been set too high by Benzaie before he departed, leaving the two tired reviewers shivering even as they slumbered. In their unconscious search for warmth, they ended up turning toward each other and hugging each other tightly, with Welshy’s head nestled against Phelous’s shoulder, and Phelous’s arm curled protectively around his waist.

The two were in such a deep sleep that they didn’t hear when the door opened and Benzaie walked back into the room. He stopped dead in his tracks at the sight of the two and felt a horrible churning sensation in his stomach.

“But… but I thought… Phelous…” Just then, Welshy moved his head, brushing his lips against Phelous’s neck in his sleep, and Phelous responded with a soft moan of enjoyment. Benzaie whirled around and ran from the room, not knowing where to go, but knowing he wanted to be as far from there as possible.

“Oh!” He almost ran into Panda, who turned a corner with two pizza boxes in his arms. “Hey Benzaie-”

“Come here!” Benzaie pulled Panda into the stairwell and grabbed the pizzas before placing them on the floor.

“What’s wrong?” Panda asked, looking at him in confusion.

“You still offering that apology you mentioned earlier?” Benzaie asked, not daring to look at the other man. He was answered by Panda yanking down the zipper of his jeans and eagerly pulling the material down his legs. Panda smiled as he sucked on Benzaie, but this went unnoticed, as Benzaie kept his eyes closed and his hands tightly gripping the railing beside him. He forced himself to think about the wonderful sensations he was currently experiencing instead of what was happening back in the room, and quickly came with a loud cry.

“Thank you so much,” Panda said, his breath hot against Benzaie’s skin. It was weird for the one giving the blowjob to be the thankful participant, but Benzaie didn’t really care about that at the moment.

“So, we’re even now,” he said thickly, feeling like his mouth was full of cotton. Panda nodded in happy agreement and bent down to pick up the pizzas.

“See you back in the room,” he said before departing. Instead of following after him, Benzaie leaned against the railing and looked down at the many steps, trying to ignore the feeling of emptiness which had settled in his chest.


The four decided to go out drinking that night, and save the rest of filming for the next day. Panda seemed to be the only one having a good time, and he chattered away while the others drank in relative silence. Benzaie especially kept throwing back the drinks, and every time after he finished one glass Panda would bring him another. This led to Welshy also increasing his alcohol intake to even greater levels than usual.

“I think you two might have had enough,” Phelous said after the two spent ten solid minutes laughing at a ‘No Smoking’ sign. “Do you need any help back to the room?” Benzaie turned to him, looking eager, but was quickly pulled away by Panda.

“I’ll help you buddy,” he said while slinging an arm around his shoulders. Benzaie seemed to droop as he was dragged out toward the elevator, but remained silent when he saw Welshy lean heavily against Phelous. Those two needed to stop at the restroom, so the French producers reached the room ahead of them.

“C-can you get me something,” Benzaie asked before Panda could unlock the door.

“Anything,” Panda said at once.

“I-I’m ssso hungry,” Benzaie said, struggling not to slur his words too much. “Could you get me ssssomething to eat?”

“Sure, I’ll just go down to the restaurant next to the lobby,” Panda said as he slipped the key card into Benzaie’s hand and hurried off. Benzaie slumped his head against the door for a minute before he was able to unlock it correctly. He kicked off his shoes and dropped his glasses on the desk before collapsing onto a bed and pulling the covers over him. In his drunken state, he failed to realize that he had climbed into the bed Welshy and Panda would share.

A minute later, Welshy stumbled into the room and looked at the figure in his bed with sad eyes.

“Why?” he whispered as he crawled over to lie beside the shorter man. “Why? Why can’t it be me you want?” To his surprise, the other man turned and wrapped his arms around Welshy’s neck before starting to grind against him.

“I only… want you… ” he moaned softly. Welshy was too tipsy to realize that this voice did not belong to Panda and he grinded back enthusiastically, his lips quickly moving to Benzaie’s neck.

Another minute later and the door opened again to reveal Panda and Phelous each carrying a bag from the restaurant. They stared at the writhing figures on the bed in stunned silence.

“What the hell are you doing?” Panda finally cried as he dropped his bag and ran to the bed. Welshy and Benzaie stared up at him, blinking heavily and struggling for clear thoughts.

“Panda?” Welshy asked as he reached out toward him. “What are you… why are you over there?”

“I was out getting food,” Panda said as his voice shook. “What are you doing? Why would you kiss Benzaie?”

“I didn’t know,” Welshy said quickly, trying to grab his shoulder. “I didn’t know who I was kissing-”

“I don’t want to hear that bullshit!” Panda yelled as he pulled away and walked back from the bed. “You don’t know who you’re kissing now, huh? Well, maybe I don’t know either!” He turned and lunged at Phelous then, pushing the Canadian against the wall and making him grunt, before pulling him down for a deep kiss. Phelous kissed back automatically, but the rest of his body was still frozen in shock.

“No!” Benzaie grabbed Panda’s shoulders and roughly pulled him back! “It’s my fault, I was in the wrong bed, I was kissing hi, I didn’t even know it was him-”

“Traitor!” Panda growled before slapping Benzaie in the face. “How could you just kiss someone without knowing who it was? Don’t you care about Welshy’s feelings at all? And you!” He turned to Welshy? “Were you just going to let him use you for sex?”

“I told you, I didn’t know I was kissing him!” Welshy shouted, his face reddening as he completely sobered up. “I thought it was you in the bed, you fucking idiot!”

The room went quiet for a moment while Panda stared at Welshy with wide eyes.

“You did?” Welshy nodded, his face red enough to match his hair. “Oh.” He turned to the other Frenchman. “Benzaie, who did you think Welshy was?”

“I… I thought…” Benzaie stuttered, looking down at the ground.

“I need to talk to you.” Benzaie glanced up shyly at Phelous before he was quickly pulled into the bathroom by the Canadian.
Panda was also grabbed then, but offered little resistance when Welshy pulled him onto their bed and kissed him.

“Why didn’t you tell me you felt like this?” Panda asked when they pulled away.

“I wanted to,” Welshy admitted, “but you were always talking about Benzaie and saying how much you hated me. How could I think you’d ever be interested?”

“You idiot,” Panda said before kissing him again. “For one, I was just joking about hating you to amuse the fans. And two, if I had known how you felt, I wouldn’t have even looked at Benzaie.”

“Well, I know that now,” Welshy said with a sigh. “God, so much missed time.”

“So let’s start making it up,” Panda murmured as he pulled off Welshy’s shirt and ran his hands down his chest. Welsh moaned and reached for Panda’s belt.

“Whatever you say, Panda.”


“Look, Phel,” Benzaie mumbled, unable to look the other man in the eye. He had sobered up as well by now and was thoroughly ashamed of his behavior. “You and Welshy earlier-I thought you were hooking up, so I went to Panda and I did… something stupid. I didn’t-”

He broke off when Phelous tilted his chin up and pressed their lips together.

“I’m sorry,” he said softly while pulling Benzaie into a tight hug. “I didn’t mean to confuse you. I only want you, no one else.”

Benzaie, too overcome with emotion to speak, clung tightly to Phelous and kissed his neck.
“I want you so much,” he admitted. They kissed again several times and Benzaie slid his hand under Phelous’s shirt. “Let’s go to bed,” he whispered, gently stroking his skin.

“I think we’d be interrupting if we leave right now,” Phelous murmured, and then Benzaie heard the moans and screams coming from just a few feet away.


“We can just keep doing this until they fall asleep,” Phelous suggested as he wrapped Benzaie in a warm hug. “It shouldn’t be too long.”

“It can be as long as they like,” Benzaie agreed before kissing Phelous again.

The next day they moved their own room and the crossover was completed with no further problems.


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